Week 9: Eerily Calm

2–4 minutes

Dear You,

I apologize for the late letter. Postal services aren’t what they used to be…

This week has probably been the most chaotic one I’ve ever had. A naked man by the river threw rocks at us, I got stuck in an elevator, a man with a bloody chin stared at us with a creepy smile, I waited three hours for an Uber, there was a terrorist attack involving a bomb just 11 kilometers away, and, on the brighter side, I tried passionfruit for the first time!

Jam-packed, right?

What struck me wasn’t just the events themselves, but how I reacted to them. The bombing was terrifying, but afterward we simply went for ice cream at the mall, almost unfazed. At the time, we didn’t know the full scale of the tragedy. Sadly, around 70 people were injured, and 17 lives were lost. May they rest in peace.

When the man threw rocks at Jibril and me, I sprinted away and left poor Jibril behind. But we ended up laughing so hard I nearly threw up. When I got stuck in the elevator (one of my biggest fears), with no data and no way to call for help, I was surprisingly calm.

Yes, I felt fear in all these moments. But not the kind of fear I always imagined I’d feel. Instead, I found myself eerily calm and collected.

And yet, at the end of the week, the smallest thing unravelled me. The gym was too packed, I couldn’t get my workout in, and I completely lost it. Suddenly, I missed home so much it hurt. For the first time in a long time, I wanted to go back. I hated the gym here, I hated the stores, the scavenger hunt for ingredients, the air, the food, the buildings. It feels like I choke on the sun, and the days blur into one. I hated everything.

But maybe it wasn’t about those things. Maybe everything else had built up, and this was just the breaking point. I had to stop myself, breathe, and pull it together. Because the truth is, I don’t hate those things at all. I’m grateful to have a gym nearby, grateful for new foods and flavours, for the smell of trees in the air, for the unique colours of the buildings. The feeling of the sun on your face. I loved everything

After that meltdown, I noticed something: I’ve started going on my phone more. I’ve been less curious, less eager to explore. Was I sad? Slipping without realizing it? Do you ever feel that, too, like you’re drifting without even noticing?

That’s why this stage of life feels so in-between. I feel like I’m being tested. My habits. My mindset. My love for adventure. Everything I’ve worked so hard to build is all being tested quietly, day after day.

What I’ve built is so fragile. How easily it can slip away if I stop protecting it. We don’t even realize that everything we’ve built mentally, emotionally, spiritually, is being tested. So dangerously delicate, it attacks every day with thoughts of negativity.

So I remind myself: keep control, remain calm, and protect what you’ve built.

From,

Cali