Letters from Cali

Dear you,

It feels like I’m in the in-between of my life right now. Yes, it’s a new journey, but it’s like I’m floating in an abyss of the unknown. I don’t know where my life is headed after this, once I get on the plane, everyday will be an uncomfortable one. Every day will stretch me. At least in the beginning. I’ll have to learn who I am in this unknown, in-between. I don’t know how to feel, because all these feelings are unfamiliar.

I arrived in Toronto on June 22, 2025. It was the first time I had ever travelled alone. No friends, no family; just me, my suitcase, and a whole lot of nerves. I felt everything at once: excitement, exhaustion, and that sinking feeling in my stomach. You know the one, the pit. To be honest, I saw a plane headed back to Calgary, and my heart dropped because I wanted to get on it so bad. Go back home, to the life I absolutely love.

But I tricked my brain. I told it I was excited, not anxious. I repeated it like a mantra as I made my way to the camp.

When I arrived, I met the other interns. Fourteen of us in total. It was strange, in a weird magical sort of way. I felt like I already knew them. Like we were picking up from somewhere we’d left off. Like I had somehow met them before in another life.

Then we got to the cabins, and I audibly gasped. It was truly a camp. The cedar wood, the bunk beds, the suffocating heat, the giant spider that welcomed me… bugs everywhere. Part of me panicked. The other part laughed because it felt like a movie. A weird, sweaty, bug-filled summer movie.

We dove into six intense days of back-to-back training. It was brutal. There was spiritual training, mental health first aid, safety briefings, and presentations from past interns. Some of the sessions, especially the safety training, made it feel like we were being prepped for war. My brain felt like mush by the end of each day, and I could barely keep my eyes open.

But the other interns made it bearable. We were all tired, all overwhelmed, and all silently wondering if we had what it takes. Knowing that made me feel less alone. We shared laughs, stories, and our fears about the months ahead. And slowly, quietly, a sense of belonging started to grow.

Soon, we’ll all head to Colombia, but we’ll be split between three cities. That makes saying goodbye harder. But there’s something beautiful in knowing we’ll all be under the same sky, navigating the same unknown.

This first week cracked something open in me. I’m still scared. Still uncertain. But I’m here. I’m doing it. I did something I never thought I could. And I’m just getting started.

And maybe that’s the first step of becoming.

From,

Cali, Colombia

“The universe that lives in you is waiting to burst out in view”

Cailin Hargreaves